I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
