I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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