Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
