DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
