I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
