once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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