Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
