How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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