and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
