yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
