Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
