who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
