I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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