Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
