Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
