i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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