sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
