Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
she was concerned about my dick piercings.