he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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