Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
