She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy