do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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