I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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