very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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