So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
