there's paper in my vomit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
