ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize