This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
