I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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