Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
