Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
