Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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