I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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