Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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