If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Even my vagina gasped.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
