Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
