Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize