I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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