Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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