I feel like abortions should bother me more
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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