Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
