when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
