hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
