But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
