Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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