Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
