i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
