We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
40s are totally the cure
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize