Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
