you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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