dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
