I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
