I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
