so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
