Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
