The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
