I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
