i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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