We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
