I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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