Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
