Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.