You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.