Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
