So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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