drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Operation Purity has been aborted
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.