yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
