so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
