It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
vagina is talking i cant
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's shark week go big or go home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
