we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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